Werewolf Rant
by DaniPeace
Summary: One of my readers asked me to put a werewolf rant so I put one up. I think it's really funny. There are lots of reasons why my friend hates Werewolves so it might be long. Rated T for slight language. Please read and review and tell me what else you want.


**Werewolf Rant**

**OK so another person asked me to do a werewolf rant and, as you might know, I aim to please so here goes. P.S this is, again, my friend because I really love Twilight and my favourite has got to be the wolf pack so this has nothing to do with me.**

**May: Thanks for doing this, Dani.**

**Dani: No problem, May.**

**May: So you don't mind me expressing my hate on your profile.**

**Dani: Nah, I think it's funny actually.**

**May: OK then let's begin. This is just a bunch of random reasons why I hate werewolves.  
**

Who's in the wolf pack anyways? They are so bland I can't remember.

Oh yeah, Jake's the only one with character depth and he sucks!

Twilight was based on a dream, right... wow so Meyer dreamed of half naked werewolf teen boys running around fighting Newborns. She has... some issues...

Since when were werewolves big puppies? They're just a bunch of huge dogs.

Werewolves were awesome. Then came Jacob Black. Jacob Black is a furry pedo. He makes me want to cry. Besides, WEREWOLVES are killers. Not pansies. Jeez, people, get it RIGHT.

**Jacob Black**: a werewolf shapeshifter who unluckily chose to waste most of his time fancying Bella Swan, who at first treated him like dirt and then leading him on selfishly. He was second in command in Sam's werewolves pack before he separated himself from the pack together with Leah and Seth. By most parts Jacob was a likeable teenager in Twilight and New Moon, until S Meyer turned him into a rapist-in-training in Eclipse and a paedophile in Breaking Dawn. I think Jacob is childish and stupid for drooling over Bella Swan.

**Leah Clearwater**: the only female werewolf shapeshifter in Sam's pack, who used to be Sam's high school sweetheart till Sam turned into a jerk by imprinting upon her visiting cousin Emily and then marred the latter for life during an outburst. Feeling betrayed, Leah turned bitter because after Sam dumped her, she was still part of the pack and was forced to share mind with him and the rest of the boys. Seth, the youngest werewolf shapeshifter was her younger brother. Due to unknown reason, she could not get pregnant and the fact filled her with more angst. **(Reminds me of Rosalie)**

Can someone say _anger management? _I mean seriously what's up with them getting angry so easily? Then they seriously need anger management classes ASAP.

And why do you have to share your thoughts with every werewolf. Now nothing's private. And I mean werewolves are hairy and scary if you make them mad

And I hate Leah. Why did she have to be a Werewolf? She makes me want to jump into the book and scream at her saying "What the hell is your firkin' problem?" She's got such an attitude and that really annoys me. She can be a pain some- no ALL the time. Then she _FINALLY_ gets into reading and what does she read about? She reads about forbidden love and bloodsuckers. 

And why did Jacob fall for Bella and Renesmee? I mean, I bet there are lots of girl werewolves out there but he chose to fall in love with a vampire. What the hell was he thinking?

Now I must admit, Jacob WAS an awesome character in the book. I mean, like, in New Moon, he was the best friend. Looking after Bella when she needed support after her stupid breakup with Edward, her rock, the shoulder to cry on, and to put it all of _HE"S DAMN HOT _**(That was me. May so doesn't think Jake is hot. Well what does she know?) **What more could she want?  
OK sure he's trying to win her heart, but at least he's mending it after Edward's stupidness. And he's like her protector, when she learnt that he became a werewolf, he never left her side. He stops her from doing any mental stuff by herself **(Who wouldn't want to ride a motorcycle with their best friend?). **But here's the weird thing. In Eclipse... what the hell happened? He became such a jerk. Seriously, he kisses her and she didn't want to. What happened to the sweet awesome Jake we all know and love? **(May: You mean the Jacob you know and love. Dani: Pretty much.) **Does he suffer from a sever personality disorder or something? And that boy never gives up, does he? People, have you heard the saying; if you really love someone, set it free, so that if they love you back, they will come back to you. Well that doesn't work here really. He's determined to make Bella his, even though she repeatedly told him, her heart belongs to Edward. **(That really sucks!)  
**And in Breaking Dawn, Ladies and Gentlemen take out a bucket…you might get sick. When Bella was out giving birth, apparently as soon as Jake sees the kid, he calls "dibs" on the kid. Isn't that sick? I mean imagine if you just had a _10 second_ year old child, and your best friend announces, "Hey guys, congratulations on the kid and all, but I'm just saying, in about 17 years, I'm gonna screw her" :)And then Edward just goes ahead, "Sure But marry her first :)"That is just _sick_….He was waiting for that exact egg from Bella's ovaries to get fertilized, to imprint on. I don't blame Bella's reaction though. Are you attempting to tell me that all this time Jacob was not attracted to Bella but the egg inside of her?

And what is up with what they wear? Why the hell is Jacob shirtless the whole time? Some people would say they were gay with all the shirtless men all around. GROSS!

The whole werewolf-to-shape-shifter-thing. That really bugs the hell out of me.

I seriously don't get Jacob. All through the first book, he was constantly complaining about the way vampire smell and he wanted to rip all the Cullen's into itty bitty shreds but now he suddenly enjoys or am not bothered by being around them. What's up with that?

Hmmm... Let's see... He accepts clothes from the blood suckers. He eats food made by the blood suckers, He sleeps in the house that is lived in by the blood suckers, He is warning the blood suckers of impending doom from Sam and all of those people. How does that work? One minute he's on their side, all beating vampires to death thing but then he switches sides and poof he's on the vampire's side trying to stop them from beating the vampires to death. Seriously dude. Make up your mind.

* * *

_10 Reasons why I hate Jacob Black and all other werewolves on this earth._

Everybody thinks they're so hot when they're so not. Again, who would want an always shirtless guy?

They are really moody.

They are hairy WEREWOLVES.

They like to go Cliff-diving. Wow. Trying to commit suicide, are we?

They are very tall and muscular and look like they're on steroids.

They're a bunch of empty hot-headed guys.

I hate werewolves, they just freak me out.

They are so boring because they have no special powers or nothing.

They're too clingy especially Jacob.

They think they know everything just because they're faster and stronger than vampires.

* * *

_The "werewolves"/Jacob:_

They are not even werewolves! They are Native American walkers or skinwalkers. Real werewolves are forced change with the full or new moon and some can change when they want but usually it's painful. And they hate silver.

Jacob only "loved" Bella for her eggs. (Yes, he is pedo-wolf) Gross.

Jacob Black felt awkward, like he was thrust into the story too early. You do not _have_ to introduce every major character in the first book of a series.

Jacob is a mega hottie, and thinks he's too good for Bella. _WTF!_ Too good for Bella? Well that's nice.

WTF! When it comes to the trailer for New Moon presented to the world at the MTV movie awards, is it me or did he mess up on the werewolf the werewolf thing? "Don't make me mad!"Oh he's so tough I'm so scared…. Blah, blah, blah. _*Yawn*_ seriously dude.

OK I better stop now because, again, this is turning into a ramble instead of a rant. So one last thing...

You wanna know what I say? Forget vampires (especially the sparkling kind) and werewolves (especially when they're technically just a bunch of shapeshifters), DRAGONS are the way to go! Scales for the win!

**I seriously don't agree with that but yeah... so... please review and if you have to FLAME AWAY. Jade (one of my obsessed Twilight friends) would be so mad at me if he ever found out that I dissed Werewolves. He loves them. So review, favourite and blah, blah, blah. Love Dani and May.**


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